Starting Again

Three years down and I still don’t know what I want to be online.  Heck, I don’t know what I want to be in life but that’s another topic of discussion.  I’ve always had a multitude of ideas filled with grandeur for what I wanted the AKM brand to be.  They always say that things get better with time, but it became a pattern that no matter what I was publishing, it never seemed to make me feel really proud.  AKM was just a semi-cohesive bit of the internet that never truly made sense.

Sure, I’ve thought about where I wanted it to lead many times.  I could dig up a few etched napkins filled with maps to treasure coves if you need proof but it would probably take me an hour.  For some reason though, I never actually sat down to map a plan out accurately [with topography] to where I wanted this internet thing to go.  Thus, I decided that instead of dwindling around pretending to know where I was heading, I would finally face the illicit topic head-on.  I went down to a local hipster coffee joint, ordered myself a tea, cracked out a fresh notebook coincidentally labeled “Chapter 2.”, and started to think.  In pen.

Something about working in ink makes me feel more assertive in my thoughts.  You can’t remove ink from the page and if you’re trying to figure out who you are and what you want, you really shouldn’t worry if you “H” looks pretty enough (let’s be honest, I draw my “H” at least seven times on my Instagram Stories before I post them).  The best way I find to get out of a mind funk is to simply ask myself a question and answer it – over and over, again and again.  See where the answer leads and the questions will keep flowing until some sort of an epiphany or nightfall occurs.  For me, it started with a list of what I enjoy and ended in what I want my life’s design concept to be.

Here is what I found out:

I want to inspire people.  From a young age, I always wanted to be someone that sparked something good in others, even if only for a moment.  I’m not saying I want to be a life coach by any means – I’d have to figure myself out first!  But I try to take that extra step or flash that stranger a smile to perhaps influence their day positively.  I want to create content which inspires others to be their best self or at least bring a bit of sunshine to their day.

I am in love with design.  Again, this was nothing new.  I almost went to University to study interactive media, didn’t, then ended up creating a blog and eventual YouTube channel to give myself a project to work on.  What did come to light was that my love of imagery and stationary means more to me than I had ever thought (more on this soon).

I want to be me.  I’m not saying that I haven’t been honest online.  Quite the contrary.  But I don’t feel like I have dived into the types of material that I actually want to share.  I’ve only shown a diagram for the outside peel, not the complex nature of the fruit underneath.

My life thrives through colors.  This is odd to say, but truly, everything I listed that I enjoy was partly because of the color.  Tea, mountains, lipstick... it all comes back down to how the color makes me feel.

With this in mind, it’s finally time that I get back out there and do whatever it is that I enjoy doing and sharing.  Hopefully, this journey will help me through the other bits of figuring out what I want to do in life, but hey, stellar blog content is always a good place to start.

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